Raw Words

journal

I really enjoyed reading Melissa’s post regarding how keeping a journal made her a writer.  Though journals are my business, and though I’d love to convince every person I meet of the benefits of keeping one, I realized I don’t talk about it much here.  Perhaps it is because journals are essentially private things, no matter which type you choose to keep.  Perhaps it is because I’ve been journaling for so long I take it for granted.  It’s time.

The real reason is this:  to tell anyone what journaling has done for and meant to me is the purest form of naked writing I have experienced to date.  It exposes me and leaves me vulnerable.  I apologize if parts of this post seem TMI…I can’t explain the benefit without explaining the motivation.

I kept, casually, one of those cute little lock and key diaries given to most girls when they are young.    When I filled it, I was given another of the similar type.  At the age of 12, I talked my mom into one of those soft cover journals with the gilt pages.  I filled it and then others, casually and without design.

The year I turned 16, I made a big transition (between parents, between states, between schools)   One day I grabbed a left over 3-subject notebook, tore out all the schoolwork, and started writing.  I filled it in a week.  I went through every empty page in every notebook I possessed.  It helped with the confusion and where I might fit in between my two families and my half siblings on both sides.  It helped with the teen angst, with plans for after high school, with relating to my parents, friends, and even myself.

By the time I was 17, I kept a journal consistently.  I haven’t always written in one every single day (though I have in recent years), but I’ve written several times a week when times were good, and for hours a day when times were bad.

My journal got me through major life events, such as my first painful breakup, a turbulent marriage, pregnancies, and more.

When the marriage abruptly ended,  my world was turned upside down.  My journal received the keening wail of my heart, the outpouring of my worries and fear of how I would feed my kids.  It brought healing, perspective, and hope.  I abandoned any writerly aspirations for the grind of single parenthood, but I kept my journal.

When times are good or changes are coming, my journal helps me make sense of my feelings and all the little things I notice but can’t express in words.  It allows the inner me to speak to the frazzled, hectic or frustrated outer me.  It became an expression of faith and, again, hope.

In 2004 I suffered two devastating events back to back.  I was advised to seek counseling to work through the emotional trauma (and I tried, for a few sessions).  What worked for me were twelve 70-page dime store theme books.  I filled them cover to cover over a two month period and another six in the four months following.  I wrote from the epicenter of pain in an outwardly spiraling journey until the worst of it was on the horizon.

I have since kept writer journals, in which I develop tidbits of plots, character sketches, explore story ideas, record interesting bits of dialog, lists of character names, titles, and settings, the beginnings of book proposals, notes on non-fiction projects, and more.

I have kept career and growth journals in which I do the deep thinking of life direction.

I have kept prayer journals, which have proven invaluable for their insight and comfort.

I’ve kept work journals at every job I’ve held since 1995.

All of those journals are valuable;  yet it is that personal journal…that prose or angst or fear or joy that comes tumbling out of my inner being…that has kept me sane, taught me about myself, and given me direction.

I have kept a journal consistently for 24 years.  It is such an ingrained habit to go to the page, that when I turned my attention again to writing for others, I already had a voice and style.  In many respects it put me way ahead of the game.  I never struggle with writing as a daily practice.  It is as natural as breathing.

If you have never kept a journal, I encourage you to try.  There are no rules.  Just tell the paper what’s on your mind.  It works.

Advertisements

10 Comments

Filed under General Thoughts

10 responses to “Raw Words

  1. a huge help to me when loss was hard to fathom. I heartily agree…

  2. bjkeltz

    Thanks, Anna. It’s hard to expose some of the worst days, which makes talking about journaling more of a testimony than a rational subject for me. I’m glad you understand. 🙂

  3. JoniB

    Thank you, BJ! I’ve been journaling for many years, too. I have a huge Rubbermaid tub filled with them and another stack ontop. Journaling helped me get off my anti-depressants and keeps me off. They have literally saved my life. It makes me feel so “included” when I read others who see the value as I do.

  4. bjkeltz

    Joni you are not alone any more, hon. We’re in it together. 🙂

  5. Thanks for mentioning my post 😉 Isn’t journaling such a wonderful gift? And it’s so accessible! All you need is paper and a pen (or pencil, or computer…). This is a great tribute to journals!

  6. bjkeltz

    Napkins, old receipts, backs of envelopes, paper of any kind…where there is a need, there is a resourceful answer. 🙂 Thank you, Melissa. It still feels so personal to parade my past like that, but if it helps anyone understand the value and benefit of keeping a journal, it is so worth it.

  7. JoniB

    One question to the group: What are your plans for the journals? I mean, what do you want to happen to them after you are gone? I can’t decide if I want mine burned or read.

  8. bjkeltz

    I’ve thought about it more than once. Though my personal journals are full of rawness, and all the less nice human emotions, they would give my grown children a very different way to look at me. I have no plans to burn them. I don’t want them published by any means, but if my children laugh, cry, or get angry while reading them, that’s okay. They know I love them and would learn just how human I am. 🙂

    I don’t know that I would want my husband reading them. It’s been a difficult seven months and I go to my journal so I don’t say hurtful things.

  9. Hi, I found you through Cheryl’s blog, Cheryl Wright Writes. I love what you’ve said here about journaling and how it helped you through emotional trauma.

    I am thoroughly convinced that books and diaries have kept me from becoming one of histories few female serial killers. 😀

    I grew up in horrendous circumstances that have led others to a life of self-destruction (I’ve had my share as well) and my siblings to suicide. reading and writing kept me safe and helped me find my way through the fear, the confusion, the sadness and pain and to help me realize how much God loves me and that my life is valued in this universe.

    I am a collector of journals. I absolutely love them. At 52, I’ve written millions of words in them and can say that they have enriched my life like nothing else…….except maybe a good bottle of red wine. 😉

    I love your blog and plan to be a regular visitor.

  10. bjkeltz

    Hi, Magnolia, and welcome!

    If it weren’t for journals, I think we’d see a lot more of us in prison or worse, lol.

    It sounds as if you had a particularly difficult childhood. I’m so glad that writing has brought you through it. God does indeed love each of us and values us as precious. I never have a problem filling my journals with letters to Him.

    Thank you for your kind words…I’ll bring the wine! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s